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Things Your Child Needs to Hear – Part 2

KathyB — Fri, 17 May 2013 16:33:09 +0000

Below is the rest of an article by Jenna Birch Word Up.

‘I love you’ is essential, but your kid needs to hear these less-obvious words too

Asking for Extra Steps

“Thanks for saying you’re sorry. Can you explain why you’re sorry, too?” Sometimes, with little kids, “I’m sorry” becomes a default response. They need to think about why what they did warrants an apology. “Talk is cheap and apologies are cheaper,” Weiner says. “Saying you’re sorry for hurting someone’s feelings is important, but what really helps healing is to acknowledge why you are sorry. Say how your actions have impacted someone. Say why you realize your behavior wasn’t your best. Taking that extra step really helps someone know you mean it.”

Fun Time

“Let’s skip errands and just have fun today.” Forget the grocery store—you can shop later. If you pick your son up from preschool and have some time, turn the car around, go home or to a fun place and just spend time with your child. “You can bake, go to the beach or go to the park,” Mandel says. “The message is that you enjoy being with your child, and you hold her in mind even when she’s not with you. You’re willing to slow down the everyday errands and chores of life to spend time with him or her.”

Trust Your Child

“Do you want to watch your sister for a couple of minutes while I wash dishes?” If you give an older sibling responsibility when you’re nearby to supervise, it will go a long way to build confidence. “As long as the older sibling has never been rough with the baby, say, ‘I need someone careful like you to watch her and make sure she’s OK,’” Mandel says. “Place the baby on a blanket on the floor or in a bouncy chair, and let the sibling entertain her with a toy or pat her back. It will help the sibling accept and feel nurturing towards the new baby, and boost self-esteem. She’ll feel competent and trusted by mom.”

Give Unconditional Love

“No matter what you did, nothing could ever make me stop loving you.” Your kids know you love them, but need to understand that your love is not conditional. It will never go away or depend on the circumstances. So if your child breaks a lamp, and is clearly scared to tell you, tell him this to open him up. “It creates feelings of safety and security,” Mandel says. “Your child is more important than his deed, and parents can use it as a teachable moment to help their child learn how to avoid for next time. So in that way, it also helps with problem-solving.”

Compliment Them

“Wow, you’re great at puzzles! You put Cinderella’s dress together so fast.” Your little compliments about their puzzle skills can mean as much as your praise on a yearlong honor roll stint. Constantly reinforce how smart they are and how many talents they have, which will in turn keep their self-worth high. “Do a project together, and just point out the little things you notice along the way,” Mandel suggests.

These are all great ideas. You may want to try a couple of these out for two weeks and then evaluate how you are doing. Got two of them down pat? Try one or two more.

Comments are always welcome.

Things Your Child Needs to Hear-Part 1

KathyB — Fri, 10 May 2013 12:04:14 +0000

Below is an article I found on line. It was originally titled “10 Things Your Child Needs to Hear.” I have broken it in to five for this week and five for next week. Jenna Birch has done a good job.

‘I love you’ is essential, but your kid needs to hear these less-obvious words too.

By Jenna Birch Word Up

“I love you. You’re beautiful. You can be anything you want to be.” Heard those before, right? They’re important, sure—but we’re pretty positive you don’t need a reminder to tell them to your child. However, there are other sets of words you might not think of that will boost your little ones’ confidence, and reinforce skills that will help your kids navigate life. Take a peek at 10 things your child needs to hear.

Mistakes Happen

“Oops! The cereal spilled. Go get two rags, and I’ll help you clean up.” Teach your child it’s OK to make a mistake, even a messy one. “Show that mom isn’t going to get furious,” says licensed marriage and family therapist Sue Mandel, owner of First Attachments Child & Parenting Center. “Things can be fixed. It’s not the end of the world, and there’s an acceptance of one’s imperfection.”

Nobody’s Perfect

“Not everyone will like you.” Girls especially need to understand how special they are, but that some people won’t appreciate it—and that’s just fine. They don’t have to change or try harder to accommodate everyone. “If we can get our girls to understand this, it’ll save them a lot of heartbreak and people-pleasing in their life,” says self-confidence expert Jess Weiner, author of A Very Hungry Girl. “Doesn’t matter how nice, pretty or perfect we try to be, sometimes we just won’t be liked by everyone. And it’s not personal. You won’t like everyone and they won’t like you. That’s normal and that’s healthy.”

Love Yourself

“Let’s get up and move around. We’ll feel better if we stretch our arms and legs.” It’s up to you, mom, to show your kids the importance of movement and exercise every single day. “If we can teach our kids early on to move their bodies in joyful ways—playing soccer, stretching or climbing a tree—they will learn to connect to their bodies in a nonjudgmental, non-pressured way,” Weiner says, which is especially important for young girls in a world that’s tough on their appearance. “Rather than seeing their bodies as things to control or punish through movement later in life—as in, ‘Everyone hates to exercise’—let’s reframe why we move our body, and create it as a loving extension of self-care and not a punishment.”

Second Chances

“Here’s the toy I took when you were rough yesterday. You can try again today. Remember the rules.” Second chances are great, and your little girl or boy needs them. Even if your child ignores the rules or your warnings one day, give him the opportunity to prove he can do better the next morning. You’re showing him you believe he can do better. “This creates trust,” Mandel says.

Take Responsibility

“You know what? You were right and I was wrong. Let’s fix my mistake.” Sometimes, you drop the ball. That’s OK, mom. Each mistake will give you the chance to show your child what it means to take responsibility for actions, and how to remedy the situation. “This boosts self-esteem,” says Mandel. “Parents model being able to make a mistake and own up to it, which shows a lot of self-acceptance.”

Next week will have the final five for this article. I hope if you aren’t already doing these things that you will pick one or two to work on for the next two weeks.

Comments are always welcome. Do you have any other things that you think need to be said to children?

Guns and Roses-Update 1

KathyB — Fri, 03 May 2013 11:16:49 +0000

Recently, we had two windows shot out by a young man who pointed his BB gun the wrong direction. (see previous post-Guns and Roses)

Both of the windows have been replaced and the young man has been working off his debt. Eighth grade boys often have the work ethic of a slug…not this one. He is coming along in the work ethic area. He has been on time for the appointments he has kept. The issue has been cancellations due to not checking with his parents for what is already scheduled and an unrealistic view of how much time he can spend.

He has a contract with me to pay $100 a month (either work or cash) until his debt is paid. So on April 30, he and his dad stopped by to settle up. The goal is to pay me in yard work for $10 an hour, putting in 10 hours a month. While he scheduled plenty of hours to cover the $100, he only actually showed up for 7. He worked hard for those 7 hours and the quality of work was good, but he was short 3 hours and owed me $30.

We were standing on my front porch, the young man, his father, and I. He paid me his money and I signed off on his contract that I had received $100 for the month of April. Then he surprised me by asking me if his work was okay and if there was something he could improve on (obviously coached by his dad.) So I told him that the quality of his work was good, but that he needed to work on his reliability. When he told me that he was going to be here to work, he needed to do that. He is on the verge of being a man and that he needed to be a man of his word. His father restated my point using other words in support of me and what I was trying to get across (always a teacher). I asked the young man what needed to be done to make sure that he could deliver on his promises. He thought for a moment and then said that he probably should check the family schedule before committing to me (yeah!!! a real breakthrough here) and then confirm to me in an email. I received an email the following day telling me when and what days he would be here. It remains to be seen if he will be here when he says he will. He is scheduled for today (Friday) and tomorrow.

Why am I blogging about this? Because it is a great example of a dad sticking with his son to teach him how to be a good man. Eighth grade boys are impulsive, don’t always think things through, and don’t always follow through. They usually think as far ahead as the end of their noses, if that far. So there is great potential to really mess things up. This family is sticking with their son by teaching him to “fess up and take his lumps.” But they aren’t making him walk this road alone. They are using this mistake to teach their son a good work ethic which is so important. By the end of the summer, which is how long this should take (the windows were expensive), he will have learned where not to point his gun, how to take responsibility for his actions, and how to follow through on a commitment. Will he make mistakes again? Yes, probably many of them. Hopefully this will be an experience that shapes how he responds to them and he will be well on his way to being a good man.

Comments are always welcome…

From Parent to Mentor

KathyB — Fri, 26 Apr 2013 06:00:15 +0000

It was about ten o’clock and I was trying to go to sleep to be ready for my early work day in the morning. I was about 5 months pregnant with my first born, and while I was ready to sleep, she was doing the rumba in my belly with no signs of stopping anytime soon. I leaned over to my husband and said, “Already, I have lost control.” I had been an educator for many years and knew that as a parent there was only so much control afforded to me, but I was surprised it started so early.

While early on parents set rules and guidelines, reward appropriate behavior and apply consequences for inappropriate behavior, there comes a time when the role must change. The parent must transition to mentor or coach in order to allow the child to learn to navigate the choppy waters of the world independently with some measure of success as well as failure. There are things that a kid just has to learn on their own even if you have told them repeatedly.

I remember when my eldest went away to Workcamp with other kids from our place of worship. They worked with kids from all over the States repairing houses for the poor. She came home with fire in her heart.

(Fast Backward-versus Fast Forward: When my eldest was 12 we were eye-to-eye for about 20 minutes. After that she shot up like a rocket and topped out at a little over 5’10” while I stayed at 5’3½”… that ½” was really important to me-still is.)

She was about fifteen at the time. While my husband and I tried to instill in her the notion that Naperville wasn’t the real world and that she really had a lot in comparison to the rest of the world, she occasionally felt deprived because she didn’t have the latest fashions in her closet and wasn’t going to get a car (new or used) on her sixteenth birthday. She had to earn the privilege an earn money to pay for insurance and gas. Not the norm for the rest of her friends.

So here’s the scene: She stood towering over me with her arms akimbo (hands on her hips). “You just don’t know how good you have it!!! There are people that don’t even have running water!!!” The autocrat parent would have told her that they knew that and had told her so many times, but that she didn’t listen. The mentor/coach would have told her that she was right and encourage her to express how that made her feel.

As children are out in the world and are exposed to ideas and concepts that differ from and/or directly challenge what they are taught at home, it is wise to engage them in conversation about the topic to help them process the information. Shutting them down by telling them they are absolutely, positively wrong…end of discussion, doesn’t change their minds for one second. What generally happens is that they work hard to find supporting data for this new idea. The “push back” is huge. There is the power struggle. The relationship suffers. The child then believes they can’t bring anything to you because you will overreact. Then the really important things that you will need to discuss won’t surface.

Mentoring your children can be as simple as asking questions and then listening without judging. Example: “I want to be a witch.” is very common with Junior Hi and High School girls. Sometimes this indicates that something is out of control and this is the girl’s way of getting the control back. The autocrat parent takes a “written in cement” approach. The mentor/coach helps her daughter explore why she thinks this is a good idea. “What does she think she will gain? What does she think she will lose? Is there something in her life that is out of control? What does being a witch mean? Where does the power of a witch come from? Is that the power you want over your life?” She may not have answers to your questions but it will help her think it through and come to an informed choice. Continue to engage her once a month or so to see where she is.

As your child grows and changes, it is vital that they have both “roots and wings.” The roots are the foundational “Keys to Character,” fairness, responsibility, citizenship, trustworthiness, caring, and respectfulness. The wings are the ability to process situations accurately, making positive choices, exhibiting appropriate behavior, thinking outside the box, and practicing good problem solving skills.

While it may be true that sometimes the wings take one in the wrong direction, the other skills will allow for correction eventually. As a mentor to your child, it will sometimes be necessary to Superglue your lips shut and then cover them with invisible duct tape in order to keep you from overreacting and saying something damaging. Been there, done that. Try to remember that the problem is temporary and the relationship with your child is long term. When you are in your sixties, and your child is an adult, you won’t have to overcome all the baggage of old power struggles and damaged relationships.

Agree or disagree, comments are always welcome.

Parents and Depression

KathyB — Fri, 19 Apr 2013 11:45:49 +0000

Depression is a huge problem in the most affluent society in the world. Why is that? Are we depressed because we don’t have as much as some one else? Are we depressed because we feel guilty because we have too much? Are we depressed because we are tired of keeping track of everything we have? Or is it a chemical imbalance in the brain that is treatable? Hint: it’s the last one.

I have had short bouts of depression but they always passed. A number of people near and dear to me experience the ups and downs of depression on a regular basis. It is a hard way to live for them, and for those around them too.

According to NAMI’s (National Alliance on Mental Illness) website, “Major depression is a mood state that goes well beyond temporarily feeling sad or blue. It is a serious medical illness that affects one’s thoughts, feelings, behavior, mood and physical health. Depression is a life-long condition in which periods of wellness alternate with recurrences of illness.”

“Each year depression affects 5-8 percent of adults in the United States. This means that about 25 million Americans will have an episode of major depression this year alone. Depression occurs 70 percent more frequently in women than in men for reasons that are not fully understood. Without treatment, the frequency and severity of these symptoms tend to increase over time.”

According to Mayo Clinic’s website, “Also called major depression, major depressive disorder and clinical depression, it affects how you feel, think and behave. Depression can lead to a variety of emotional and physical problems. You may have trouble doing normal day-to-day activities, and depression may make you feel as if life isn’t worth living.”

“More than just a bout of the blues, depression isn’t a weakness, nor is it something that you can simply “snap out” of. Depression is a chronic illness that usually requires long-term treatment, like diabetes or high blood pressure. But don’t get discouraged. Most people with depression feel better with medication, psychological counseling or other treatment.”

According to this blogger, if you are a parent who suffers from depression, if your ability to parent effectively is compromised, please seek help. That may be counseling, medication, exercise, meditation, or seeking a higher power. But do something about it and don’t quit until you have found what works for you. Your kids deserve the best you that you can be. Take the step, make the call, do something about it. It won’t be easy, but in the long run you will be glad you did.

Comments are always welcome.

Sick and Tired

KathyB — Fri, 12 Apr 2013 11:14:20 +0000

One of my mother’s favorite expressions of frustration was “I’m sick and tired of….what ever I did wrong.” She couldn’t be sick without being tired. That still amazes me. If you knew me as a child, you would know that she was sick and tired a lot. What can I say, it was part of my “charm.”

Expressing frustration as a parent can be tricky. How many of you have said:

“You’re driving me crazy!”

“I can’t deal with this!!!”

“I can’t stand this!”

“I can’t stand to look at you!”

And some things that are worse…

While in the midst of an argument it’s hard to understand what you really sound like. This week I was watching part of a series that Dr. Phil was doing on parenting. The interchange between a mother and daughter was horrifying to watch. When Dr. Phil played back the tape for the mother to see, she was horrified too. She was an uncompromising bully to her little Jr. High girl. When she could see and hear how she was behaving, she fell apart. She had no idea how she sounded. So many times we don’t stop to think about how we sound. All we can think about filling our need to vent frustration. In the case of this mom, she was deeply angry and frustrated by something that didn’t really have to do with her daughter. Her daughter was just an easy target.

When we vent frustration inappropriately, what message does that send to our children? How does that make them feel? Is it possible that children who hear phrases like those listed blame themselves for pushing mommy or daddy over the edge? Children naturally blame themselves. Many times they won’t admit it and will generally point the finger at someone else, but deep down inside they blame themselves.

So what are we supposed to do when frustration and anger start to take over? First, close your mouth until you have a chance to calm down. Walk away if necessary. Speaking in anger is never a good idea. We then participate in escalating the problem. Everyone says things that hurt and it is lose/lose for all involved. Address the behavior and do not attack the character of the child. In my children’s case, they couldn’t drive me crazy, I was already there. I did deal with things that I didn’t think I could get through, but I did and you can too. The things I couldn’t stand, well I discovered that it was my problem and I had to learn to deal with it.

What are some things you can say that are appropriate? It’s called “scripting” and it means that you decide ahead of time what you are going to say instead of the usual, more damaging, stand-by statements. How about:

“I’m really angry/frustrated right now and I can’t talk with you. I will say things that are hurtful and that I don’t mean. I’m going to put 5 minutes on the timer and we will talk then.”

“Please explain why you thought that decision was a good one.” Then listen without interrupting.

“I don’t agree with that choice because…”

“You knew when you did it, that it was the wrong thing to do. Your consequence is…”

No yelling, no name calling, no venom, no bringing up stuff from the past. Stay focused on the present and address the problem at hand. Stay in control of yourself and what is coming out of your mouth.

We love our children even when we are “sick and tired” of them. We have to address bad behavior, but we must do it in a way that instructional not destructional (don’t think this is really a word, but you get the idea). Parenting has been the hardest job I have ever done. It wasn’t easy for me or my children. I made a lot of mistakes, but when I realized that I made a mistake, I apologized, worked not to make the same mistake twice, and moved on. It’s the healthy thing to do.

Comments and suggestions are always welcome.

Help!! My Child Is An Attention Sponge!

KathyB — Fri, 05 Apr 2013 11:00:12 +0000

We’ve all seen it…the child that will do anything to get attention. Some kids seek good/positive attention. Some seek bad/negative attention. Some seek attention at appropriate times, some at inappropriate times. Some seek attention non-stop. Some seek any attention at all. How did that adorable baby grow into an “attention sponge?”

Do you have one of those? What is normal attention seeking and what is over the line?

From a very early age, children see facial expressions and study you intently to see how your face changes. They mimic your expressions and then learn which of their actions will make which face appear. It is so cute when they are little. At some point, it can become manipulative, annoying, and set the child up for failure in relationships.

As a parent and educator, I believe the normal range of attention seeking behavior is a combination of both positive and negative because when they are small, they will be trying out all kinds of approaches.

One flag of “over the line” is when a child actively seeks negative attention. For example, purposely doing something they know they will get caught at so they can have parental attention. As the child gets older, seeking negative attention becomes a battle ground that escalates to bad behavior from parents too. Not a good thing, and immediate action is necessary.

The question is, how does a parent encourage positive, appropriate, attention getting behavior and avoid the “attention sponge?” There are several responses from the parent that can reduce that potential.

Distract, distract, distract. Interrupt the unwanted behavior and re-direct the child to something more appropriate. “Hey, I have a great idea, why don’t we go outside?”
Ignore the behavior, if it isn’t threatening life or limb, and it may stop by itself fading slowly away. Keep an eye on it, but don’t respond.
Encourage positive attention seeking behavior by acknowledging it or rewarding it.
Set up a structured reward system where the child can earn a prize by not practicing unwanted behavior.

The important thing is to recognize that there is a problem and take action. The pattern can be broken even if the child is in junior high or high school. If you can’t figure it out, get help. Seek out books, articles, or counseling services that deal with this issue. You aren’t alone. Many parents have a hard time unraveling the problem of the attention sponge.

Do you have a suggestion that has worked for you? Comments and suggestions are always welcome.

Guns and Roses

KathyB — Fri, 29 Mar 2013 06:00:28 +0000

Last weekend, my husband and I did “dinner and a movie.” When we got home, we discovered that one of the windows in our sun-room had shattered. It was still in the frame, but looked like Jack Frost had attacked it. Upon further inspection, there was a small impact hole that looked like a bullet had hit it. We called the police in case we needed a report filed for the insurance company.

When the county deputy arrived and inspected the damage, he asked if we knew who might have done this and if we were afraid. The only place that we could think of that a bullet could have come from was one of our neighbors. The boys sometimes play with BB Guns and other benign fire arms in the back yard. They are nice kids and don’t bother anyone. They aren’t malicious and if that is where the bullet or BB came from, we knew it was an accident. We told the deputy that we weren’t accusing anyone, but to check with that family to see if it was a possibility.

Upon the deputy’s return, he stated that it was a possibility that the damage was from the 8^th grade boy and his friend shooting a BB Gun in the back yard for target practice. The father called the next day to tell us that he was pretty sure his son had caused the problem and to arrange for a time to come over and see the damage.

They arrived promptly at 4:00pm. At the front door, the boy took full responsibility for the problem and apologized. We told him that we weren’t mad and didn’t think he was a bad person. We realized that it was just an unfortunate accident. That didn’t mean though that there weren’t going to be consequences. They took a look at the window which unfortunately is big, and a specialty item which will be expensive to replace. Since it was a Sunday, we had no information on how much it would cost. The father was adamant that the boy would pay for the damage. We discussed ways that the boy could work off his debt. (I always have yard-work to do.)

As they were leaving, my husband found another BB hole in another back window which didn’t shatter like the other one. It is a HUGE picture window. So now the poor kid is on the hook for two windows…neither of them will be cheap to replace. Dad was visibly mad now but held it together.

There are several ways this could have goneWhat is the best tactic to take when your child has made a mistake like this?

Some parents will help their child deny any responsibility for the problem. They think they are being supportive and keeping their child out of trouble. All they are teaching their child is to count on mom or dad to cover up for them. The child doesn’t learn to take responsibility and feels like he can do anything he wants without consequences. It then comes as a great shock when he finds out that the world doesn’t work that way.

Yelling and screaming certainly comes to mind. But that doesn’t have the most impact. These are teaching moments. The best tactic is to have the child take responsibility for what they did and take care of the damage whether it is out of their savings, or by working it off. The child can then develop a more mature approach to admitting mistakes.

Kudos to the father who did a great job of showing his son how to “fess up and take his lumps.” He lost his access to any guns and will replace two windows which will be expensive, but shouldn’t be horribly scarring. On the up side, we have come to know one of our neighbors and his son better. And I will probably get help with my yard work. I do wish I had roses in order to make the title work better. Maybe I will plant some this year…

Do you have a teaching moment that you would like to share? Comments are always welcome.

Baby Bedtime Strategies

KathyB — Fri, 22 Mar 2013 11:48:33 +0000

Below is part of the article I found online. It is the last of the series and has some great tips for getting your baby to bed easily. Not all of these strategies will be necessary for your baby. Use what makes sense for your particular situation.

What’s the best way to help your baby drift off to dreamland? A calming, sleep-inducing bedtime routine. So soon? You bet. Once your little one has eased into some sort of schedule (he has relatively predictable patterns of eating and sleeping, a milestone usually reached at about six to eight weeks), it’s time to begin what’s sure to become a highlight of each day for both of you. Not sure where to start and what to include? Read on for strategies and suggestions on infant and newborn sleep (and remember, they’re only suggestions — as with all things baby, you’ll have to figure out what works best for you). The most important ingredient of a soothing bedtime routine? Consistency. Repeating the same steps in the same order is comforting for your tiny dreamer. Even babies like knowing what to expect!

Wind Down

So much to see, touch, and mouth, and never enough time to do it! No wonder your little perpetual-motion machine may be reluctant to put the brakes on at bedtime. To get your busy baby in the mood to snooze, start winding things down an hour or so before bedtime. This isn’t the time to rev up his engine. Hold off on noisy, stimulating toys and avoid tickle-fests (no matter how cute his squeals of delight). Do provide plenty of one-on-one attention and stick to quieter activities like cuddling, exploring fingers and toes, and playing with blocks.

Take a Bath

A dunk in the tub clearly keeps your little one clean — especially important if he’s crawling or likes to wear his food. But there’s another reason why you’ll want to make bathing part of your baby bedtime routine. Warm water (even if you’re giving a sponge wash in place of a daily bath) is naturally relaxing and soothing. Just make sure the room is toasty, so your tiny bathing beauty won’t feel chilled. Then let him splash away to his heart’s content. By the time he’s ready to come out, he’ll be a mellow fellow.

Massage Him

After a warm bath, there’s nothing like a massage to further relax your squeaky clean tot. A gentle rubdown feels good (for both baby and parent!). But studies also suggest that a massage before bed increases melatonin (a sleep-inducing hormone) in infants. Ready to apply some hands-on magic? Pick a spot that’s comfy and warm, and keep in mind that stroking away from the heart (from thigh to ankle, for example) is especially soothing. This is also a good opportunity to moisturize your baby’s skin (try calming lavender and chamomile-scented lotions), even if you’re just doing a mini massage. The scent will de-stress you too (hasn’t it been a long day?).

Think Ambiance

As the director of this baby bedtime routine, you need to set the stage for your adorable audience. And this is one audience you want to put to sleep! So dim the lights. Then consider the background noise. Some babies nod off faster to white noise like the hum of a fan — for others, it’s the sound of soft music that summons the sandman. Finally, don’t forget the room temperature. How to tell if it’s just right? Feel the back of your baby’s neck. If it’s sweaty, he’s too hot — so either cool down the room or remove a layer of clothing. If the back of his neck feels chilled, turn up the thermostat or dress him more warmly.

Fill Him Up

Craving more z’s yourself? Until they’re about four months, most infants need to wake up (and wake you up) during the night to eat. If your baby is older and still waking up for a middle-of-the-night nibble, increase the size of his bedtime feeding. As long as he’s getting enough calories during the day, this may help him sleep through the night without a snack. Or try this: Just before you turn in, wake your baby for a mini feeding. Topping off your tot’s tank can help him sleep more soundly and buy you an hour or two more shut-eye. But if waking him up seems to start a cycle of more frequent waking during the night, shut off the tap.

Share a Story or Song

Your baby’s been bathed, fed, diapered, and slipped into pj’s — now what? It’s time to settle down with a picture book (the simpler and sturdier the better). Your budding bookworm may not understand the words, but he’ll enjoy listening to your voice and looking at the pictures as part of his bedtime routine. Remember to keep your voice soft and soothing (instead of excited and lively, like you would during the day). Snuggling over a book is a great way to bond, nurture a love of reading, and begin what is sure to become a treasured nighttime tradition. If your wiggle worm has a hard time sitting still, don’t worry. You can always cuddle while singing quiet songs and lullabies.

Say Your Good-byes

Time for bed? First it’s time for another part of the bedtime routine your baby will come to love. Take a good-night tour of your little one’s room together, saying and waving good-bye to stuffed animals and favorite toys. Then give one last hug and kiss, and tuck your little sleepyhead into his crib. The goal, whenever possible, is to put your baby down while he’s drowsy but still awake. This will teach him a valuable life skill: how to fall asleep on his own. Finally, in a light and loving tone of voice, say your good-byes. Keep it short and sweet (like “Night-night, Sweetie; I’ll see you in the morning”) and make your exit (don’t linger). Be sure to say the same thing every night, and soon your parting words will become a reassuring signal that your baby’s busy day has come to a cozy end.

What routines have worked for you? Suggestions and comments are always welcome.

Toddlers and Bedtime Continued

KathyB — Fri, 15 Mar 2013 21:08:14 +0000

Below are some ideas for getting your toddler to bed. These are from an article online that had no credit given for who wrote them. Some good ideas. Again, you don’t need to employ all of them, just where you may be having trouble.

Brushing Teeth

If you’re tempted to skip brushing your toddler’s teeth because it always seems to turn into a battle, don’t. Nighttime brushing is even more important than the morning cleaning — bacteria can build up at night and attack those petite pearly whites. Since you’re the one who has to do the work (kids don’t have the dexterity to do a thorough job until they’re about five), try to make it fun with toothbrushing games. Keep a couple of colorful toothbrushes (think Elmo or Dora) handy and ask your child which one he wants to brush with. Tell your toddler you’re a miner looking for gold, sing a silly song, or count down as you brush each tooth. If “me do it!” is your little one’s favorite refrain, let him brush first and then do the follow-up yourself. If he balks, invoke the house rule: We always brush our teeth at night.

Good Night, Baby

To ease your toddler into his room, let him say good night to the important things in his life. He can say night-night to Dad (or Mom), the family pet, the toys in the family room, even the moon outside. But you don’t want the tour to turn into a lengthy affair, so call the shots from the get-go. As soon as you exit the bathroom, say, “We’re going to say good night to Dad, Lucky, your trains, and the stars and the moon, and then we’ll go read a story.” That way your toddler knows what’s coming and what the parameters are. Then make sure the good nights are brief (except Mom’s or Dad’s, where long and sloppy kisses and hugs are essential).

Story Time

Reading books together can be the sweetest time of the night, and another time when your toddler can exert a little independence. Let him pick a couple of stories to read, but narrow down the choices or you’ll be asleep before he decides. Then cuddle up together in the same spot every night — on your toddler’s bed, the rocking chair, whatever’s comfiest — and read. Any book with a sleepy-time theme will do, or whatever his favorite happens to be at the moment. Try to stay away from raucous stories, especially involving monsters, and don’t go overboard with the acting out (save that for daytime reading). The point is to lull and relax, not excite your toddler to the point where he’s raring to go. If your toddler’s antsy, then skip the books and pop his favorite lullaby into the CD player instead. Play a couple of songs, snuggle together, and sing — or hum.

Night-Night Kiss and Hugs

After you’ve finished the last story or song, tuck your toddler into bed with his special stuffed animal and turn on the night-light (if he’s afraid of the dark). Take five minutes to sit next to him and talk about the day (“We had so much fun on the slide this morning!”), which is a good way to mark the highlights and an easy way to boost his memory and language skills. Tell him you love him, give him a smooch and a hug, and then say good night. Add a cheery “See you in the morning!” before you walk out of the room. If he gets upset or cries, tell him you’ll be back in a few minutes to check on him. Then keep your promise. Chances are, he’ll be fast asleep when you return (and you can gaze at the heart-melting sight of your slumbering toddler).

If you have anything you would like to add, remember that comments are always welcome.